A quoi je pense??

In whose shoes part 2…
I’m not sure, but I assume I forgot to save last night’s second marvellously long epistle which included col’s last email about their lovely babe!! Up too late?? Oh yes!
Daniel’s doing well, still too thin, still too cute, not getting thinner any more it seems though which is great, and Sunday’s episode is a combine miraculous answer to prayer as fears didn’t materialise and tests came up clear for whatever it was we didn’t want to find and the fact Lyn took Daniel into hospital meant that good has come through on the feeding front and she also now has a useful person to contact rather than a pointless team of theoretical home visitors… Lyn and Colin are tired and need our prayers. Col is still poorly. His tablets are mostly helping and occasionally forgetting to work. He’s due for an endoscopy to check for tummy ulcers. Yuk!! So please lift all 3 of these beloved people tp God and cover them in our prayers for healing and protection.
I’m babysitting Daniel on Saturday so I pray that will be a brill time for me and a smooth and very fun and refreshing evening out for his awesome parents.

I’m ordering my first organic veg and fruit boxes this week with 3 friends of mine. It’s quite exciting. Been after a farm that delivers locally for ages but had no idea where or how to search and then a month or 2 ago there was an article or rather a full page add in a local freebee paper which a mate spotted and kept for me!!! Cheers to the best informant and detective!!

Guy is coming straight back here on Wednesday!! Good good!!
Methinks we need to party! Weds eve at mine I assume… We’ll see.

or beloved mates of mine in need of our prayers and if you’re local, of our practical support…

Daniel had a shunt fitted nearly 2 weeks ago and he hasn’t been puttin weight on properly, partly due to meds giving him runs and partly it seems due to feeding not quite adequately. He’s a lanky little man and is feeding a bigger body than most babies his age as well as trying to fight off infections and heal from ops and cope with whatever else his little body is going though.
Dad wrote last night:

From: "Colin"
Date: 24 April 2006 00:04:33 BDT
Subject: Daniel update – really hard day

Hi folks,

It’s been an exceptionally difficult day for us today. It started when Lyn tested Daniel’s urine and detected leucocytes and nitrates, which is what we’ve been alerted to watch out for – it means infection. We called BCH and they said we could go to the Walsall Manor because the treatment would be antibiotics wherever we went, so we decided for the Manor.

We arrived there, were called into A+E almost immediately (much to the disgruntlement of a few other patients that may have been waiting for quite a while) and a doctor attended to us straight away. They ran more tests and in those tests, the nitrates were zero, but he was showing blood in his urine. They have taken several samples to check over the next few days to see if there are bacteria. What was surmised after all the tests though was that it wasn’t his shunt that was infected, but that they were looking for a urinary infection, which is something Daniel is at high risk of developing due to the cathetering.

We were sent to the Paediatric Assessment Unit at the Manor and Daniel had lots of tests to check this and that, and then the breastfeeding support midwife paid us a visit, and suggested a change in techniques in feeding which will enable Daniel to have more access to the richer, more nutritious hind milk which will help his weight situation. He has put on almost an ounce since last week, but he really does need to put on a lot more. More weight will strengthen him so fight off infection. However, getting him to learn this new technique is very frustrating and it’s going to take a while to master.

In case of infection, Daniel has been prescribed cephalexin again, which is what he was on before and caused so much diarrhoea. However, with the new feeding regimen, the effects of that should be counteracted. It might only be for a few days as well, awaiting results of the tests, and also after consulting the Children’s Hospital.

We’re tired – no, exhausted; stressed, worried, scared that things like today could be the norm…wondering how we’ll cope…crying at how unfair this is on such a young life. We know that God is in control, and that He doesn’t let you go through more than you can handle. We just don’t want to have to handle this. 15 weeks old on Tuesday – already been through so much.

We’re all home – Daniel’s tucked up in bed, sleeping, oblivious.

It’s been a hard day.

Thank you all for your prayers at church in the morning and through the day. We’ve had lovely messages and we appreciate them so much. Thank you. They do mean so much to us.

Blessings and love,

Colin, Lyn and Daniel.x

I often wonder how I would fare carrying other peoples’ loads. I know many people who’ve told me they could never do my job. I know many of you who would have either walked out, reported or possibly even strangled some of my charges on today’s shift (or many recent ones…) and though I do have the ideas, I’m still there, I’m still here, I still enjoy it and know I’m in the right job, place, time!
Would I have survived in any of their shoes though??

Something interesting happened today on the perifery of our lads acting up. I walked in on a relatively heated case of our lads winding up the neighbour lads, winding up our lads winding up… it takes 2 to tango is my fave expression here: If one shuts up the other has no option but to do likewise or be called foolish for talking to themselves. So I had a word or more with the main fuel of our crew and got told where to go. Then I called out to the neighbour lads. I think those guys must respect me for some reason and it’s quite weird saying that. I hadn’t quite realised until toay, but for some reason there has to be something there. I suggested to them to go inside and ignore our lads for 15 minutes or so and maybe come back out later and they took the offer up within moments and within about 2 minutes all 3 were off the wall and in and our main loudmouth had no one to goad and another 2 minutes saw him in too. It’s as if the neighbours were just waiting for an excuse to go in. But then one of the girls sounded like she’d been stood out with them harping on at them to come in… And they’d ignored her and my colleagues… I have this impression that it’s down to the fact that I give those lads the time of day and ask them how they are and always have. I don’t know… I feel like God had a victory of peace through me this evening but that he’s been working on it for ages. They’v often responded well to me before. I hope they do very often still.

I’ve got one more ponder for today before posting this and then I’m going to add someone else’s words as a second post. I’ve been meaning to get everyone praying properly for ages and got way-led until now. I’ve mentioned Daniel before, lovely babe born with spina bifida, less complicated than it could be but still… another set of shoes… I respect and admire Col & Lyn more than I can say for their love and care as well as just loving them and Daniel to bits simply because I do.
How would I walk in their shoes?

I got scared of my shadow this evening. Well this night. Late finish again from work, problem being I had a little errand to run, and I hadn’t intended to be doing it at 2340. Mostly, I’ll walk anywhere at whatever time as long as I don’t get a bad feeling about it? Only a couple of places creep me regardless of feeling God’s protection is afforded me. Around my home are roads I walk so often they are my patch of land, land which God has made holy to Himself because my feet have trodden it. Some roads in Walsall have never felt like home. Some areas still creep me. And tonight I realised I walk just into the border of one of those areas. I prayed asking God for protection as I walked up the last couple of roads and then on the way back I asked God to reclaim that land that I’ve not regularly trodden in a long time. The reason I prayed again on the way down was that as I walked, a car went past and I caught a dark shadow behind me from the coner of my eye and snapped round still walking but no one was there. I can’t remember the last time… I don’t tend to be afraid of my shadow. Hmmm. (though I remember a friend nearly beating up another mate who’d snuck up behind us as we walked. That’s years ago now.)

For Swansea people: Nina’s birthday this weekend?? I think I’ve got the right month…

Oh, I’ve got the train tickets quite cheap. Coach is ok but I’d then need to change in Brum, that involves walking accross town. And it would still mean stansted express which would cost twice the price by itself and paying for the tube when we get it free with the train… 6 of 1, half dozen of the other! and on the train I get to walk around, charge my mobile if needed and drink fairtrade coffee should I like to. What hey! I like the tables too.

OHHH does any1 fancy going to see Othello on thursday in Stratford if there’r any seats left?
Another possible play is Much Ado on 15th or 16th May.
This season they’r doing to complete works and there’re loads more plays. Calling all ye Shakespeare fans!

My lil’ sister Leah arrives on may 1st to visit. I’ve not had long to plan this, she decided only recently after finding out dad’s actually in France during most of her Easter hols, which he only decided while I was down visiting him (I was chief flight booker) So, as she’s still really a kid (The teenagers at work get so frustrated with my ‘any1 under 18′ definition of kid…) I’m going down to Stansted to meet her and we hope to make it into London to mooch if anything is open. Just found out she lands at 1050, both ace and oops! I now have to get a train at quarter to 8! how rude! but it does mean, London beware, the girls can hit the town!! I so want to grab a lift with any1 who’ll gladly spend time with us… We’ll see. I’ve got to book those train tickets while they’re still cheap! No action replay of my last fare price, thank you very much. Voila.

I haven’t said!!!
I’ve finally got through to Gloria during our peace talks and ransom negotiations. My beloved and much loved young Guy will fly back into the country on May 3rd under the safe escort of my Daddy thanks to a cunning plan of Mom’s or maybe even Guy’s.
How cool!!
Problem is, I had no money to get any Green & Blacks Easter eggs (or ought else truthfully) and I know there will be moaning & knashing of teeth from Gloria unless I sort that ransom out…
Kinder Eggs and G&B Easter eggs…
Hmmm, bother of bothery oops! Now I’m pickled…
Gloria might keep him in Devon until I pay up!
How perfectly wrong.
How about Adam’s cool plan being put into action??
HINT HINT!!

Oh look, it’s time 4 bed!
Night night!
Faites de beaux reves!
xxx

what a relaxing few days I’ve had!! again!!
I love this working part time lark. I’ve got 8h overtime this afternoon.
I’ve just had 3 whole days off reading, sewing, chatting with friends, generally havin a relaxing time and doing things at my own pace after the 3 shifts from the bank holiday weekend being so rough. I needed it. I knew so but that doesn’t take away how nice it’s been. Just had a bath (after moving the jungle out of the tub of course! had to scrub the thing before filling it…) and I’m munching on olives once more.
Does anyone fancy going shopping for me I wonder? I need some milk, maybe bread too, and mincemeat for tomorrow’s tea… THe joy’s of getting meals at work. I don’t always agree with what’s on the menu. I have a sneaky suspicion that since it’s Friday we yet again have spag bol for tea, ok but bored of it. My kingdom for a meat pie!!! Monica makes a MEAN meat pie. I kid you not. What a treat they are. top filling in top pastry. I’m fussy about pastry and she meets the mark. Good one. Maybe Monday eve, who knows.

On weds eve I was invited down the pub but thought it was too miserable out, then my mate Rach rang and had nothing planned so, being lazy and all that, I invited her round. Chatted, had dinner, watched Joan of Ark. Joan of Ark’s an old story I know quite well from school. Not surprisingly I learnt about her. The French like Jane! She’s still a hero of sorts even today.
Jean luc Besson’s film is gory (when are his films not!!) but very thought provoquing.
I like the odd way Jane’s visions are done, and that creepy character Dustin Hoffman plays in her head. Faith in God has it’s odd days. Wondering whether I know my God as well as I hope, knowing I am so far from really knowing Him, that there is so much more to Him, that it is so easy to step out of line and yet so easy to be well guided by Him but still stopping short with doubt and then finding peace, resting in trust in Him.
Weird film really. How do you get in the head of a girl dead centuries ago who’s got so many legends and so much folklore around her… The portrayal of the ‘Mother Church’, now there’s an even creepier thing… How lost we can get! Any of us. I hope I never get complacent about God’s people and his immense Grace extended far and wide beyond my understanding.

iTunes is playing Shine Your Love, my mate Dave wrote that. It’s a brill little song. So glad I’ve got a copy of it. Prayer to God to shine around thru our lives… What Hey!! Amen!

I’m thinking of stewarding Greenbelt to manage to go this year. I want to hear Martin Joseph again. (Let An Angel Walk With Her) I hope I can get the right shifts to be able to go… A/L is precious.

Time to get sorted for work.
Ciao ciao!

I suppose I forgot to ask that that since I had to work today He should give me a nice peaceful shift. I should bear that in mind for next time. Just got out of work 00:25. I finish work at 2200. Flaw in plan I am sure. Oh well, one of the kids was lovely and another was nearly good, the other 2… no comment. The staff were quite well behaved I must say.

Dith!!!! You’ve soothed me with your words. It is like that. You’re right. Thank you for writing, anything, it’s simply put a smile back on my face.
You bright shining Star!!

I ike my job, love it even, but I don’t want to go to work today.
Every so often I get a shift like this, which is when I don’t want it from when it appears on the sheet in the folder and which I can’t swap or take off. I’ve not been allowed TOIL. I’ve not been able to find anyone to swap. My Church conveniently decided to swap our morning gettogether for an afternoon thing. Oh Joy!!!
So I don’t even get to spend Easter with my crew.
And all the while I know that I’m missing not 1 but 2 of the nicest lunch invites…
I don’t get lunch invites very often. Mostly people land up at mine and have a brill time. It’s nice being invited out to lunch on a Sunday. There’s something about it that’s just lovely. And I get invited out about once every month or 2, about half of which lands on a Sunday I’m working and nothing left in between…
I’m a bit disappointed about my supervisor not having the forethought of saying to himself that I may value having this particular Sunday off being as Easter is a Christian holiday. But I can’t tell him that yet because he’s away the whole of the kids’ hols so I’ll ask about it later. I did have Friday off and a very nice day I had too, but I’d have liked to be in Lichfield with P&K and the lovely ladies Pol’s invited. I really would have. H even offered to drive back out to fetch me if I needed… But I haven’t managed to swap. Partly out of being away so I couldn’t ask around myself and though people read notes they forget easier as if it doesn’t mean as much. Partly because… I don’t know. I gave up Friday and just wrote it off as a failed attempt.
So some lovely friends have wished me Happy Easter. Most people don’t know how much I’d love to have a good rant and then sit down and have lunch and a giggle withany of them and me, well, as I say, I gave up, I am not going to bother. I suppose I just prefer to be able to hold myself accountable and not someone else. Silly but it works.
God’s got His little lady as a captive audience too. If I at least pay Him a bit of attention. I had a yummy fried duck egg for lunch with a potato farl instead of soldiers. They have Sunday lunch at 1130 or 12 at work. Ho hum…

Well, it felt like my house turned into Clapham station for the day yesterday… People, phone calls, more people, more calls, more people and a couple of outings in between… Very cool though. Even down the park we managed to bump into some friends and meet up with some too. I don’t know! Life’s back to normal then!
One of the highlights of the day was R & F, 2 small friends of mine (children of my mates), giving my Big Blue Bean Bag its truest and most entertaining purpose: take a run from the end of the kitchen through the dining room door and jump as you reach the middle of the room to land, heavily and emphatically and very enthusiastically indeed onto said Big Blue Bean Bag. Noise, grins, giggles and a couple of quite funny videos of the lads. Ace!!
T’other highlight was sitting down with 3 top mates and Dad and K, his lady, and sharing bread and wine… A weird and scary thing. Big thank you to Matt for just asking them to join us. I had no clue what to do and was way too afraid. I can’t remember the whole theological background. If I know God, He’ll be using it to advance His Kingdom and change things in Dad’s heart. I never quite know where K’s at. "Brought up in Catholic background" has so many + and – that I find it hard to make head or tail of and just now will simply leave it be. We haven’t chatted about God a while. God knows.

Got given a Czeck ginger bread chicken for easter by the kids. It’s decorated with icing and its tail tasted very nice. Will eat some more later.

Well, I actually got into Walsall on Tuesday and went directly to the pub with one of my fave mates, we found a few lovely people there and chatted.
Then I found home.

Still no Guy! (I knew that, don’t worry, just saying)
I’ve tracked him down leaving Mom’s this weekend and meandering with her and a mate of hers up across France towards Claire’s. They should be there by now.
Talking about Claire’s, a sad note to all you Tolkien fans out there: Bag-End is no longer called Bag-End. Claire’s B-F decided to change it. He hasn’t decided what to though… Sad sigh as an era ends.
Gloria is still expecting a ransom for Guy’s return but I’ve negotiated those Green & Blacks Easter eggs into the deal so fewer kinder eggs is ok. I can cope.

Spring Harvest!!
What a week!
I never seem to have a bad year.
I had the best team ever this year and am proud to add that they returned the compliment by saying I was the best team leader. I’d say that was pish-posh but will take their word for it. My 2 guys took very good care of me and we shared tasks well and made a solid team. As I say, they are my best ever team. I couldn’t have done it without them. What stars!
As for the journey:
I paid premium for my ticket and my travel expenses were £7 or so short of that evil amount… Nevetheless, it was a smooth journey. I got a lift from SH pretty much down to dad’s afterwards. Finally on the way back up northwards the kind man on the train waived the fact I got on in Exeter with a ticket that only began in Taunton. Save me a few ££.
SH 06 teaching?
Themed around ONE BIG GOD, we looked at what God is like, who He is in the BIG picture… Creator, Gatherer, Shepherd, Redeemer, Saviour, Comforter, …. I forget. I decided on a change: I took no notes this year and brought back a few carefully chosen snippets in my brain instead of on paper.
The guys who preached on ‘the problem of pain’ rocked and reminded me of some very good points/promises/truths. Biggest of all was how Jesus walks with us through pain and suffering, that he has walked that road before, that he has known pain & suffering in it’s most base forms. "Jesus spoke angrily at death as He stood outside Lazarus’ tomb." I’d love to know the Greek to check that comment, but it wouldn’t at all surprise me. He didn’t much care for death getting the upper hand did our Jesus! We are allowed to feel angry at death and to speak it out, to tell Satan off. I like that. Suffering also puts us into some of the darkest places, where God’s words might otherwise not reach. I mean, I don’t know anyone who’d book in for a long stay on a cancer ward for terminally ill patients or the like… Unless a nurse serves there, how else is God going to find workers for that field. I’m exagerating the point a little but actually, maybe I’m not… God does work weird-ways. Mostly I wonder if that sort of applies in some ways to people I know who have odd illnesses that keep them physically bound but mentally alert… I know that unless I become self disciplined overnight it’s only being bed-ridden that would cause me to spend appropriate time in His presence without running off to do something (are any of you surprised by me saying that?)
Finally, though there’s tons else I’m forgetting, my comment of the week, reply to an atheist who said he didn’t have the faith to believe in God and all the rest: "Yes, but I don’t have the faith to believe in nothing and that there is no God!"

My days at Dad’s were ace. No road noise to wake me, fresh air and wide sky, me, Dad and my bro Danny mostly just chilling and spending time together. We did a fair amount of graft. My Dad got us putting up wire for the climbing plants that will in time hide the garden a little from the neighbours and tidying the fencing around the veg patch. I stirred the sugar syrup with which we fed the bees. They need extra munchies in the winter until the flowers are all out and showing their pretty hearts for gathering pollen. The honey Dad brought me last visit was ace. Imagine, sometime you’ll visit me and eat honey from my Dad’s and I’ll be all chuffed to tell you that I helped make it How cool is that!!
On Sunday Dad and I cooked the biggest chicken stew ever. I think the pot we cooked it in takes about 10l, possibly15l if I estimated right. It was yummy. The chicken was called… nearly kidding no name but it was picked and killed and plucked by Padre on Saturday, I helped clean the beast and prep it for the soup!

Oh yay!!

My little bro Danny needs all your very fervent place. He’s in a bad place going nowhere. He’s spending dole money on dire beer and on cannabis or getting mugged or whatever and sinking lower still when I thought he couldn’t really sink any more. He’s got no purpose at the mo but get smashed or stoned or a combi of those. I shudder at the thought of when he’s ‘not there’. Not sure I’ve got heart to ask or much idea what to ask for but I still leave him to God… How helpless do I feel! Let’s not go there. No let’s not.

On a different note, had a God sent sort of chat with my aunt and Dad and cousin Al (Danny was there but ‘not there’). Main points were:
God and where He is: in creation (as in everywhere and everything) or present but in Himself, not amalgamated in His creation but watching over it and looking after it
Creation and the mishap in the garden of Eden and the problem of pain (useful reminders anyone??)
What God means to me: I would never chose to live without Him and I know that I know that I know He is because I have seen and experienced Him in my life and others’
Hope: "I will write my Word in their hearts and they will know Me and they will be my people and I will be their God" or whatever that verse in Jeremiah says where God promises that He Himself will teach us about Himself.

My mate Rach is home for a while. She’s been in Norway at Bible college (in Bergen) and is back for a rest. I’m so glad to be able to spend time with her. Oh Ye locals, do check in with her if you know her!! And if you don’t too, why not.

Where I work hasn’t burnt down but lots of change. I’d forgotten all about the existance of work until NVQ yesterday… Nice feeling.

Oh, for those who’ve kept asking me in spite of my efforts to ignore it. Translation exam. Well, exams. No results yet!! but if I believe the website they should be on their way around now. So wait a couple of weeks and then if I’ve said nothing, you can ask.
Oh blissful ignorance! All things must end sometime…