A quoi je pense??

OK, it’s this morning’s news, but I wanted to give God credit for Ann pulling through.
This morning I got a full update on exactly how critical things were and why. I am now all the more relieved to be able to say that in spite of some VERY close scrapes and some really stupid work from the nursing staff Ann is on the mend. Last I heard she’s had a very good night and they were going to stop the sedative so she’d wake about lunchtime. Things are still tense and she’s got a lot of recovering to go but hope’s back in the game!

I’ve not heard from the others so far apart from Guy, who’s still in yoyo land, more lucid than I expected but still keeping me on my toes. He talked absolutely loads earlier and I really should commit all the stuff he said to writing asap because it’s seriously weird stuff and though I don’t do things of the spiritual realm, if this isn’t delusion, then it needs some warrior attention I have no idea about. My demon fighting skills are encompassed in one word: Jesus. Beyond that I’m pretty clueless in practice. I just know there could be stuff kicking off, at which I haven’t even begun guessing. You see this is the downside of me having the impression thses tabets are making him more lucid. If what he’s talking about is from a lucid place then we’re not talking about illness. I’m not sure how to deal either way. Today I had to bite my tongue lots. I didn’t always but I refrained myself a whole load.

Hmmm
Having seen my plans for the next couple of weeks completely overturned, I fly Friday. I’m looking forward to it. Spent a fair amount of time on the phone today thinking of and talking about things to do, including see my Princess Claire and her beautiful little ones!! That is a complete bonus to the trip. I’ll keep the programme for feedback I think

And Guy’s planned to visit Dad so I don’t have the worry of last trip’s freaky phone happenings. He bought the ticket which is grand. That means he’s game.
It also means I have an excuse for a trip to Brum, the first in many moons. That’ll be nice. If we get into town early enough we may even mooch around a bit.

I’ve just remembered that I was there this time last year chilling in the town centre, sat on steps eating lunch and drinking coffee with my Princess Leah. Now that is a very fond memory
I should get to see her and her bro while in France too

I’ve digressed and it’s now past my bedtime! I’m at work in 7 hours!!

I see Fabrice on Friday

crap things go in batches, probably because they don’t have the guts to go out alone I think!!

Please pray:

Ann, mate and colleague, in hospital, critical, was meant to have an op for nasty reason earlier this week but had allergic reaction and is now in High dependancy ward.
Please pray for healing, peace, pain-relief, hope, also for wisdom for the doctors and nurses and for peace and hope for family and friends.

Rach, mate, rushed into hospital with severe chest pains yesterday, apparently nothing to be found and was back home by last night but this is ongoing and really getting her down.
Please pray for healing and solutions to that and other health issues.

SL’s mom, in hosp for routine check has had to stay in. SL was there with her last I know, miles from home.
Please pray that doctors’ work on Monday will be better quality than what they last did, that she’ll heal faster and that she’ll be at peace over this weekend during the wait. Also please pray for the family as SL lives here not Wales.

PAC’s best mates, they’ve just found out they (well the lady) have miscarried. Big long scary road to travel.
Please pray for them and relatives, for comfort, hope, reassurance, perseverance, patience, healing and massive tub-loads of love. Also pray for PAC and his wife, that they’ll be alert to where and how to help and support these good friends of theirs.

Guy, my bro, still struggling and not in a hopeful place.
Please pray for hope, healing, company, inspiration to look up and courage to call on The One Who Can!!

Moi, and my total lack of control over my finances right now.
Please pray for another breakthrough and for renewed discipline and that I’d be able to step back and plan it again, thing I’ve been ‘incapable’ of the past few months, and for peace from the worry. Something abut camels rolling over

In all that and every other request [please feel free to add requests in comments ] remember that He is willing and able to do immesurably more than we can ask in our most out-of-order moments or immagine in our wildest dreams. He is after all, King of the world and Creator of all things, Almighty Omnipotent Omniscient God and all that jazz.

He threw a challenge at me yesterday to trust Him more. To believe and rest in Him. Over and over and over again…
Voila!!

that was an understatement!
This is far beyond rearranged. I can’t say I’m surprised. Really…
French bureaucracy! Please all you Brits, never ever moan too loud about our system. I’m not swapping it with France for the world.

Right, so ’sans papiers’, ‘mano negra (or any colour) illegal’, asylum seekers etc, it just wouldn’t have happened right!
It was pretty obvious this was a Mohamed to the mountain moment.
So after deliberation and inner debate and prayer, I’m going to Mohamed.

I feel at peace in it all so I think this one may pan out.

I dunno! What else is a girl to do???

Travel that has something to do with me… I assume most of you know that occasionally I make a smooth trip but also that I may be able to own up to the most interesting journey track record.
I thought I was the only one capable of such tricks as mine.
I’ve just been proved veh! wrong:
We have a passport/ID problem!
Amongst the things that don’t occur to us are the things we never need.
France belongs to EU, so unless you need to get out, you never need ID…
I still hope there’s a solution. Knowing a little of French bureaucracy there probably isn’t.
I really could do with a hug right now.

23 Psaume de David.

L’Eternel est mon berger: je ne manquerai de rien.
Il me fait reposer dans de verts pâturages,
Il me dirige près des eaux paisibles,
Il restaure mon âme,
Il me conduit dans les sentiers de la justice, a cause de son nom.

Quand je marche dans la vallée de l’ombre de la mort, Je ne crains aucun mal, car Tu es avec moi:
Ta houlette et ton bâton, voilà mon réconfort.

Tu dresses devant moi une table, en face de mes adversaires;
Tu oins d’huile ma tête,
Et ma coupe déborde.
Oui, le bonheur et la grâce m’accompagneront tous les jours de ma vie,
Et je reviendrai dans la maison de l’Eternel pour la durée de mes jours.

I worked at a friend’s today helping look after some small kiddies. Goodness it was lovely to spend a bit of time with tiny people who don’t chat back! Truly, it was a pleasure.
Rang F to wish him a happy birthday. The place they’re staying sounds marvellous, a bit like Beck House, the kind of place I could go and hide from the world and ideal for stargazing. They went out to a creperie for dinner and I’m most jealous. Pancake restaurants have always been one of my fave places to eat out.
They’re near where i camped a couple of years ago and I’ve driven through villages around there and walked those hills… Odd. It feels odd in a nice manner. It’s that funny finding out you’ve been in the same place as someone which Lake House played on. I’ve had it when I’ve bumped into people in places I didn’t expect to find them.
I think I need a hot choc in the Wharf with a book tomorrow. Maybe I’ll finish Watchman Nee’s…

I read it in French this morning. It felt like I’ve never read it before. I might copy it and share the experience anyone interested?

Goodness! This rain was needed and don’t anyone tell me the ground hasn’t been crying out for its good old British drizzle. Pity about the sunshine and warmth but I’m not particularly sad yet. I’ll get bored of it by the end of the week but for now I’m enjoying it. I felt like a desert receiving rain when the cool and wet set in yesterday.

Guy is not refusing meds as strongly but acts more stressed instead. Not sure which I prefer. It breaks my heart more that he scratches like he does and… Oh I just can’t! I’ll shut up about that now. He missed a dose this morning. I think he’s feeling it but he’s not said anything. He’s done some artwork today, drawing, and some cooking, helped me with lunch and made himself a lovely tea.

I had my supervision today. I like supervision. Some of my colleagues don’t or are afraid of it as though management are trying to catch them out, but I thoroughly enjoy my natters with my supervisor.
It was the same with my IPM the other day. That was occasion to catch up with one of the managers at work that I’ve known the longest and who’s overseen my work from day 1. Ships in the night for months now, it was a pleasure to relax and divert loads of small times as we discussed how my training and goals and progress is all going.

Anyhow, back to today’s and any supervision. They keep me on track from month to month and stop my butterfly nature from getting too distracted from the jobs at hand. They also keep S in touch with where I’m at and how life at home is going rather than just with work. S is actually one of my work heroes and even though we don’t always see eye to eye she has a handle on what our job entails and a work ethic and practice that I hope to reach one day.

I like having heroes. Years ago, someone must’ve chatted or preached about heroes, how we grow towards our goals of being like them, and how we need to pick them with care.
One of the points I can vaguely remember was to do with the fact that part of the reason modern society is so disintegrated is down to a lack of heroes, real heroes that is, for kids and adults alike.
We need people up to whom we can look and by whom we can be encouraged. We need to identify with heroes and strive to become like others who are worth setting our goals by. As famous and visible people get less good, less repectable and less… "insert positive quality", then they become less heroic and society loses direction.
Ultimately I suppose that one of my aims in life and most importantly in work is to be someone that others will look at and think: " I want to be like her" and with the lost lost kids I work with, I’m glad that, when it boils down to it, most of my colleagues are the kind of people with positive and sometimes heroic qualities. We’re not perfect, which has its drawbacks, but we’re a work in progress right?

I got a lovely text from F. Life in no-network-rural-France seems good and is definitely sunny and warm. It’s nice to know that in amongst it all he’s got 5 to think of me and say hi

It’s F’s birthday tomorrow. I’m pointless at wishing birthdays on time. I got round to making a diary entry in my phone. It doesn’t usually help though. None of my mates B, Z and N got their cards or presies on time. Z’s done ok and hers arrived a couple of days ago, nearly 2 months late even though all was in parcel only a couple of days late. The others still wait.
Possibly the parcel I feel most appauling about is my God-daughter’s. That’s got a Christmas presie in it too! Oopsy! Though that’s all due to poorly siblings last time I was due to visit. It remains abismal though.

Right, beddybyes now. I woke at 0630 this morning and tomorrow will most likely be the same. I’ve been gradually waking earlier. This is getting beyond a joke, even though I do like it.

well, today’s been busy but all replanned compared to what it was due to be when I was still yesterday… most of what I did was a couple of hours later than I’d thought, I’ve have visitors at completely different times and I’ve not been to work. I can’t say that today’s felt in the least like a day off, but it’s been nice and Colyn and R and Guy have been brill.
Having a bad mood and completely hopeless cooking moment, the lads took over from me and cooked our tea, while in turn the ladies have been good listeners and we’ve generally nattered.
I picked up a set of B&W speakers for my cousin and Guy decided to check them out. So now, my stereo has been demoted, Guy’s has migrated to the dining room, and A’s bookshelf speakers are sounding good hooked up ot Guy’s sound system. Nice. I’m not sure I’m going to have the heart to let A take them away when the time comes. I think we’ve got to put them away tomorrow to save that happening. It’s good advertising though since I’d not have thought of hunting out these British made speakers but now might.
I am worried that Guy’s not reacting well to the tablets even though they’re helping some things. I’m not sure how to pinpoint what’s up. Lets just say I’m dealing with either the terrible 2s or a stroppy teenager and I’m hating the attitude thrown at me and biting my tongue for lack of another response…
Oh, I found out earlier that I’ve once more floundered into financial poo. I struggle with money way more than should be possible. I admit to hating the stuff so much by now that I’d quite fancy that tutor thing whereby someone completely takes over… I’m not kidding. I don’t want to have to do this right now. At all at all.
Just to add to the underlying tension, I miss F and can’t get hold of him for lack of network coverage. Though the prospect of him visiting soon is uplifting… Hmmm! It’s likely to throw up a few interesting things though and we’re bound to do even more talking than we already do. That doesn’t bother me anyhow and I’m a jitterbug if I’m truthful.

I suppose it has to be phrased exactly so…
That’s my smiley face that’s ready for a grin, bursting to grin in fact, but going "Oh my God oh my God oh my God" like some girl in a cheesy film I’ve seen at some point.
I know F likes me… Not that I didn’t know, but I am such a doubter where this kind of stuff is concerned that even when knowing I still pick bones.
Right! I’m chuffed to bits that he likes and feeling good because I’m confident in how well we get on and I’m more like Tigger than ever.
What makes us get on so well? We could talk for hours!

I thought of Le Petit Prince and his fox taming one another and becoming friends. (Here’s to those who know the reference better than most!! With fond memories and loads of love)

The day with Guy was a rollercoaster and I’m not sure what tomorrow may bring.
We visited the day-centre and respite place today and my carer support lady arranged for Guy and I to meet their accupuncturist to talk about things with which he thinks he may be able to help myself or Guy. I know very little about the therapy but for the fact that some think it doggey and others have been amazingly helped by it. I would value any thoughts and ideas and whatever you may have to help me with this, including any info any of you might have.
He decided to come and join me at a Bible teaching event our Church had this evening and though he and I sat outside the room due to him not wanting to sit amongst everyone he still sat and listened to Mike Beaumont’s exposition about sin, sacrifice, the need to own up, for a life to be a sacrifice, a priest to give the sacrifice up to God, etc and I think he was quite interested and I’m hoping that the important bits sank in. I mean God only knows which words of all that was heard are matters of consequences.

We had a fabulous treat for tea today! As I got in from training, via the back gate as I’d cycled, our neighbour I. had the bbq going and invited us to share the meal with him. It was gorgeous food and I enjoyed a bit of a catch up as we’ve been ’ships in the night’ over the winter months. Another meal in the setting sun! Brill.

Nighty-night!