Yikes the past week (& a bit) has been something else…
I cried lots on my birthday. That was distinctly unfair. I’m sure. but I wasn’t forsaken, just feeling crap regardless. I couldn’t help it. That was one of a few time & days that belong under the heading ‘down’.
Then there were the other bits, the ‘up’ moments & days, when I didn’t cry or feel like I was having a week’s worth of PMT days or whatever. Those were altogether much better and appreciable.
Goodness! It feels good to be a week later (& a bit) and to feel as much better as I do.
Fabrice says he my voice sounds different. That would not surprise me in the least. To say I feel fine would be a lie. I feel a bit fragile still, but I also feel alive and ready to take on the future again. One day at a time though. No sense in rushing.
I do need to point out that God is incredibly good. Fabrice isn’t around by chance. The other people around me haven’t been more available than usual for no reason. The King has a lot of sense and knows what He’s doing. I’ve not liked every moment of whatever is working out here, but I’ve felt less alone than in months, less forsaken than since I don’t know when, and often crap but not afraid (well not of the grand scheme anyway). I’m aware He’s in control & quite capable of pulling off, in style, whatever trick He has in mind.
I’ve been hiding at Dad’s the past few days. It’s nice to be out of the rat-race without a fixed agenda. The sun having come out, the Farm’s come into it’s own. I know few places as gorgeous as the garden on a sunny day & the athmosphere is peaceful at any time.
I’m plodding through doing bits & bobs that I need to do. My little sister & I have spent valuable time together during the waking hours she’s not been working. Fabrice is a star, calling me when he can & chatting over things with me, supporting me in stuff for which I’ve never had a helping hand. God’s lifting my spirit step by step as I play His game & spend more time communicating with Him. All in all, I feel increasinly like I’m making some headway.
Well, well, well…
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll start back at work in September so I see my managers next week tro discuss going to work in a different home. I don’t exactly want to work there much more than where I currently do but it’s for very different reasons, reasons I’ll overcome. That is so that I can get some other things sorted which are much more urgent than enjoying my job. Once that particular load of trash is out of the way, I’ll be free to move on in peace.
I still need prayer regarding my future. I have to retrain & hopefully it’ll last longer this time. It’s not that moving around doesn’t suit me. I’d like to have something stabble to do though, ideally a job I can do wherever…
Guy comes back on the 5th. He flies in a little later than I so we’ll travel home together on the train.
That’s my other prayer need: there is a possibility Guy may move out in the not so distant future… I’ll either need a new housemate or a place to lodge, since I can’t afford the whole rent alone. I’m watching that space. I’m quite unsure what it may hold.
Ahem, that’ll definitely do for today!
