A quoi je pense??

Well, just carried on typing into the entry I began earlier and instead of clicking edit I deleted the whole thing!!!! What a bother. I’m actually really annoyed as I’d put in a bit of news and some stuff that’s going through my head. It’s all very gone.

I feel the gap of Fabrice going home after a lovely holiday. Before him, Maman visited too so it’s even more stark. I’ve not been home alone for a couple of weeks now. The fact that I know I am cared for and loved feels very far and thin just now in spite of all the reminders I’m giving myself. I’m wondering about sorting out getting to salsa classes again. I love dancing with Fabrice and it’s better since I’m getting over stagefright but I still need immense amounts of practice. Some of my new colleagues may go too. Tomorrow I face maths (finances mostly) and having to look after the house and cooking etc alone as well as job applications and finally visiting Guy. We both needed a break. He’s seen no one apart from nurses for over a week unless someone’s finally taken interest in him. I’m glad family are ringing him. Time for bed now though.

I’m not going to write everything again. If anyone is interested, you’ll have to phone me. I can always call back with the excessive amount of inclusive minutes that keep rolling over since I’ve not been ringing people. Sorry I’m more up for being a hermit than anything at the mo.
It is poo that what I’d written originally is all gone cos I’m totally tired now instead of just ready for bed like I was when I deleted it.

ok day all in all.
Nice place, nice people & I think Guy even liked it.
We’ll be looking at & applying for a different place that’s more suited, but it’s given us a good feel for the communities & I get the impression Guy’s reassured now he’s seen a bit & spoken with people.
We’ll have to see how God figures out the logistics & practicalities of the whole thing. I’m more hopeful than I have been for a while. Our parents liked it too which serves to reassure me. I’m sure that few would disagree with such a welcoming & calm place & people having great potential to make way for healing. Watch this space I suppose.
Now to bed since I’ve got to be at work at 7 tomorrow.

Oh, judging by last night’s entry, the wilblog clock has still not been fixed and still marks midday-am and midday-pm… argh!
I don’t intend to get used to it, sorry

Right, tomorrow is interview day with Camphill for Guy. Big day. Both Maman and Dad there for him same time-same place. That in itself should touch him most of all. I’ve no clue about the outcome. I’ve not asked about the possibilities, mostly so I’ve got no idea & no hopes up or preconceptions etc.
I put it in God’s hands, I’ve prayed it’ll be good, God’s best, & that Guy will be peaceful. Not sedated, peaceful. God’s the only one who might be able to speak through the walls he’s got up at the moment. I just wish he’d listen up a bit & here the Voice of Hope. Life to the full not in half-drugged daze or foggy-minded fear. Not half life. Full life. I’m amazed I even have the hope to ask anymore. But then others have endured more and longer. That means I can ask at least once more, and oh, once again after that…
I am fretting though.
Maman swept & cleaned the floor today & even did the yard It takes a mom to do that! Priceless! Golden! I needed that. I know she’ll help me with my ‘new’ (Freecycle) shelves tomorrow too. Finally I can tidy the cupby so my room will be liveable again. Nearly 5 months I’ve been waiting for this.
Hopefully I’ll have the courage to ask her for support filling in the application forms I picked up Monday too. I need a hand to hold for that. Not kidding, I do. Plus they’re urgent so I’ve got to do them tomorrow morning if possible.
They have to be in by Friday.
There’re more for later. I’d like to get started on those too, but I don’t want to set that goal until I’ve done the first 2.
Fabrice arrives on Saturday morning
I’m in countdown mode.

Odly enough this is a pretty good result.
Friday morning saw a few of our ‘family’ in a London court supporting Lys & prepared to witness if required…

From: "G"
Date: 14 September 2007 20:47:11 BDT
To: ""
Subject: Lys and Rab

Hi. Please can you send this out?

Everything went well at the court and God answered lots of prayers but we have to wait for the decision.The practicalities of getting everyone there worked out perfectly (thanks to D N & Mark H).

Mark H says he wants to tell you all the gory details and miracles on Sunday, so if you want to know what happened, come to church and hear him. Anyway, I can’t remember what the barrister said. It’s too complicated for my simple brain.

Love G

It was at times very tense & I’m not the only one to have clenched my teeth at certain moments, but we prayed & got some spot on answers about judge, barrister, defense (Home Office) & rulling, we saw a very negative prognostic turn fabulously around in front of our eyes, we watched peace flood through our judge so much so that she cracked a joke and we had opportunity to pray for the barrister directly & will pray for her as a Church come the morning re: another case she will be supporting on Monday. All in a day’s work hey?

We’re keeping our Lys, the Home Office just need to let it seep into their heads

Now we wait. It would’ve been nice to know directly but well… Either it’ll be a yes or it’ll be another opportunity to fight on 2 very solid fronts. They don’t stand a chance. Plus we’ll be pretty much on home turf! No more journeys to the capital for us.

The waiting remains long, it simply all adds up. By God’s grace, may we be at journey’s end!!

the same questions asked over and again mean I keep repeating myself. By the end of Sunday I was desperate for people to gossip better than they seem to & just wanted to curl up & get a hug. Times like this do make Fabrice seem far away!! I need hugs anyway but there are times when no other arms will do.
I feel a bit like I’m not sure which direction God is to be found just now, but for some reason this seems a good thing. You know when someone has a finger in that many pie that you can’t keep track of them. That’s my current impression. I’m just so tired of feeling like Guy being left out. I know the whole ‘doing more behind our backs’ idea. Well forget that, I want something right in front of my face and right now. He needs rest. He needs to be made whole.

My new job began well. Nice weekend. The manager seems to see no problem with giving me the annual leave I’d booked at my old place, in spite of already being more people down than normal on her rota for that week She’s already told me a couple times that it’d be fine but I still want to see it in writing.

My mate I treated me to lunch (late birthday presie) at a little restaurant in town. Yesterday’s lunch was delicious, the portions were perfect, not massive greedy & wasteful like so many other places, and they gave us the recipe for the main course! It’s a marketing ploy & well thought out: Elizabeths is a deli as well as restaurant & cafe. They also do breakfasts & really good teas. Que demande le peuple!!

Anyhow, I only turned this on to check my emails.

I haven’t phoned for news of Guy. Maman will have done that & I think it’s better I leave it a bit.

update/reassure/break the news/whatever….

Guy’s return home was more epic and less smooth than I’d hoped by far. Wednesday’s travels were eventful, Thursday was weird, yesterday evening had it’s little share too. I’d expected something but not this soon. He’s in hospital, this time on section. I’m both sad & relieved. He’s barely sleeping, the rest isn’t so good either. He’s so low, so lost, so not himself, nothing seems to have improved since June.
I often wish they’d just given him sleeping pills originally so he’d have been able to rest & his brain may have recovered. I haven’t got much confidence in any of them at all to be honest. I yet have to see meds help him in some real way. I don’t know much right now.

I’m working in a new house as of yesterday. I’ve just got a new job without so much as an application form (now there’s me happy) or an interview! My managers pushed this through at breakneck speed (10days) using the disability act as leverage.
Hmmm. I’ve found out where they’ve had their momentum from. It’s bigger than just me. Interesting times, I say!! Not telling though. That’d be tales out of school.

The new house is like breathing again after too long underwater. I know it’s going to be very taxing in some ways but in ways that matter it meets the mark. It’s got love & care in decent amounts. I think I’ll be ok

Please pray for Guy. Lots. LOTS. I’m not sure I even know how any more…