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I’m waiting on a decision, potentially this week, as to whether Guy stays in Bristol.

Apart from that, things are ticking over.

Check this out anyhow:
Homegrown talent!


Here’s the latest developments in Guy’s life and mine…

Guy’s still not completely himself but has improved a fair bit since Christmas. He’s just moved from DP to a place in Bristol called CO. It’s a place geared towards supporting people coming out of mental hospital into getting back on their feet. I can’t say how grateful we are as a family that he has the current month’s trial there.
It’s been ages since began looking at Camphill Village Trust for Guy to go and live. Since September though, with him being in hospital, we’ve had that many ups & downs regarding whether they’d consider him for a placement that I’d easily call it a roller-coaster. Anyhow, after a few set-backs and failed meetings the funding panel gave the go-ahead for Guy to spend 4 weeks at CO to see how he fares.
He moved on the 13th and Dad visited last Saturday and his feedback has been very positive about how Guy is in himself & hs progress. I’ve not heard Dad sound that positive or relieved in months.
I need everyone to pray that this works out so Guy can be in a good supportive place where he can get into an active routine & find himself again. He’d be there for 18 months if I remember right.

Now, the consequence of Guy being at CO is this: my housing situation goes down the pan.
While someone is temporarily in hospital or a similar place, housing benefit will continue paying their rent so they keep their permanent abode. Guy’s past 8 months in DP come under that remit. I’ve only been paying my half of the rent for our house all that time. But as soon as Guy secures a placement at CO, that becomes his permanent residence and housing benefit will pay for that instead of here.
The problem is that I can’t afford to pay the whole rent for the house (or therefore for any house or flat since our rent is actually one of the lowest I’ve seen). I barely break even on my part-time wage due to paying of a loan and I’ve been doing a lot of overtime all of which goes to pay of credit card debts, so renting the whole house isn’t feasible. Overtime hours aren’t guaranteed even though recently they’ve come fast & numerous, but with all the precarity that has come to light in work over the past month, I’m not sure I can count on even my job.

My need here is for prayers and ideas.

I have about 6 weeks in which I could …
– look for a new housemate (will I get on with them?)
– consider a bedsit or place to lodge (as I assume they’re the only way I can find somewhere slightly cheaper)
– look for a good enough job down at Dad’s and move there (sounding better & better frankly)
– see if there’re jobs going near any family or friends who can put me up (the world is my oyster but I need a job!)
– do what I feel like doing at times which is panic & give up (not an option)
– any other suggestions??

I’ll say no more at present about what W seem to be up to with their kids homes & the staff who work there but do spare a thought for us all, a good 100 people in total I’d guess. And then there’s the rest of life, and that also is for another chapter.

Chat about this if you like by the way. I value the prayer I think each of you and those you’re close to will give.


Thanks for reading

Oh, and if you want me to get any comments, you’ll have to hope I remember to check here or ring me. I say that because I’ve tried and tried to change my email in the wiblog preferences and sent the guys and email asking them to help but had neither success or reply. My usual address was spam-ridden and I’ve closed it so comments now have no destination.

it’s late but…

These last few months have been busy, with work, Fabrice, my family and a few good friends mostly, and with the things that have kept me up for all that: sleep, rest, food, sleep, rest and oh! more sleep.
A bit of news:
Guy’s got a month trial for a potential place to go and get back on his feet. Funding meeting pending. Also he seems more settled and more himself than in ages. I’m genuinely encouraged!
I’m going to be aunty to a third tinker: my sister’s expecting another child and knowing the cheek and tinker-ness of the first two, this one will be a card too. I’m looking forward to that.
Fabrice and I are getting on daftly well and the daftness is probably what keeps me sane. I’m in love. Without a doubt. Not that that’s news but I thought I’d remind everyone.
I’m resenting the taxation of my many hours overtime and the fact this slows down my paying off debts.
The overtime and more importantly my job are going well. The staff are moaners, professionally, but I got sick of it last weekend and prayed ‘Jesus help! I can’t cope with this, please sort them out." and this week’s been a lot more fun than usual, all week.
I’m moving to France as soon as it’s time. Now’s the time to look for Church, job etc and forward to the next chapter.
I didn’t propose to Fabrice yesterday though many people told me I should. I decided proposing was his job πŸ˜›

Is that just about enough for nearly 3 months worth of news?

I just remembered: Justin Nozuka made it onto french radio this week. Better late than never right πŸ™‚

It’s past my bedtime (Now that is news!)


One month on

Life goes on. I suppose there isn’t a simpler way to put it is there?

I’ve paid off the second small credit card. Just waiting for it to close and then all that is left is the long-haul.

The overtime hours are coming at a steady rate and on the whole I’m managing to keep to early nights and a good lie-in per week. I do need it though and I’m feeling the difference after so long doing only my given hours. Knowing Guy’s in good hands helps.

Guy’s still in what I’ll call limbo, not going on to the place we thought would be perfect for him to get better and move on, but at least he’s being looked after by professionals who can’t help but care. He does have a way of enchanting people even where he is now. He’s going to spend Christmas with dad. That’ll be good I reckon.

I fly Monday to see my beloved πŸ™‚
We’ve been counting down for a few days now…. It’s both speeding up and not going fast enough. I do miss him horribly even with phone calls and emails. It’s just not quite tangible even though all this communication does us the world of good.

My sister and nephew (niece being a bit young probably doesn’t give a monkey’s) are looking forward to me turning up and that’s become a bit of a count down too. It’s the first time I’m spending Christmas with them since the kids were born so it’ll be nice sharing that, specially with Tristan.

Apologies for the lack of inspiration to write recently. I think it comes from the hibernation mode that saves my energy for working πŸ˜›
Will try to do better πŸ™‚

Oh, and…
Joyeux Noel!!!!

discipline & small victories

Today I paid off the smallest but most expensive of my credit cards!!

In fact I count it a massive victory.
I have to and want to because it took a lot of effort. It was also easy, but that’s the odd thing about matters of discipline…

I’ve spent the past few months on the first lap of a very long: working my way out of the financial nightmare I let myself get into due to lack of discipline in managing money.

It’s cost me effort, a great deal of frustration & quite a bit of attention. I survived a reality check that was shocking to say the least. It’s given me some incredible moments of satisfaction and a sense of victory and achievement that I can’t describe. I’ve discovered that I have a man in my life who is more than rock solid and that I trust immensely. I’ve been blessed with an incredible amount of help which has nearly made up the fact I had no way of doing overtime in August or September. Help I didn’t directly ask for but that God put into place in the kind of way only He can. Praise be to the King.

I’ve paid the card off a month earlier than we’d planned. That means the whole schedule is forward a month. In turn that means that I loose out less interest on what now been paid off by my discipline & others’ gifts & love…

Bring on the second lap! Is all I can say…


Another few eons go by and I have tons to say but don’t get round to it…

Ah well.

It looks like Guy won’t be going to Cherry Orchards, at least not for a long while.

I smell lack of hope so please pray for each involved that we each will retain hope and gain perspective, that kind of thing, the stuff that will help us long term… I’m feeling rather discouraged right now.

Lys is waiting for the next steps. Pray for housing in the right place and for provision of work in time.

One of my mates is in Spain on a skydiving course.

I’ve done 39hours overtime this month. It’s going to take the edge off my worries which is a start. It’s hard to keep the grip on the reins but I’m holding on tight.

I see Fabrice tomorrow. In fact by this time we’ll have been down to France’s answer to B&Q to buy paint for his flat. I get to make a mess πŸ˜€ It’s going to be nice repainting together. It should freshen the atmosphere of the flat since it’s not been done for years. I miss him masses even with how much we communicate and all our means of keeping in touch.

God’s busy consolidating and restoring some of my friendships at the moment. I like that. It’s been a barren time…

He’s not let go of me at any point and that really does stagger me. I am safe in his arms come what may. I’m learning more about the steadfastness of His love and His ways of making me move forwards. Oh, it doesn’t mean I’m not battered and bruised in someways. He does make the getting back up easier and make more sense.

Life goes on πŸ™‚

Leave to stay!!!!!

I was not going to turn my mac on this eve. I’ll be up at 0545 to start work at 7 tomorrow!

But good news demands shouting on the roof-tops!!!

News this good deserves more. We’ve waited for it long enough…


I rang her as soon as I walked from work. We couldn’t even speak at first… We laughed and kept stopping mid-sentence to say how good it was, how glad we are, how it’s finished, how… Apparently Rab keeps shouting ‘Alleluiah’, just like that, and has understood that they can’t kick him & his Mom out!

It’s done.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow πŸ™‚
Now life begins a new chapter.

Thanks and more thanks

A little hello to ye olde readers of the words and thoughts I put up here, simply to say thank you.

Thank you, because it is quite true that each prayer makes ripples which we cannot always see.
Thank you, because I need to know that some hears me.
Thank you because I know each of you understands one thing or another and can relate to what is going on.
Thank you, because Jesus encourages me through the messages you leave me and the hugs and kind words and the fact that you pray and more.
Thank you, because you choose to entrust me to God, the safest place I know.
Thank you, because you help me remember that (in the words of someone who claims no belief in Christ) "I’m bungee jumping for Jesus. I know who holds my bungee cord". Indeed, even though I don’t actually fancy the sport as such, recently I’d say it describes life in the land of this Beloved of God better than most other analogies I’ve heard.

My new place of work is like new life, let alone breathing again. I’m now unsure why I didn’t do this months ago πŸ™‚ Hindsight hey!
Spending time with Guy is still… Heart-rending!
Fabrice is a Godsend. Over and over again. I wouldn’t know where to start if I listed things he’s encouraged me or coaxed me to do, given me the hope to face or just listened to me murble about. Distance may hinder hugs, which is actually pretty tough, but I’m amazed at what’s possible with a few wires and the right set of earphones where communication is concerned. I mean, where would we be without broadband & telephones?!


can you keep on keeping him in your prayers, please?

I’ve not felt compassion deeply or really for about 5 years now.
Still, I’ll describe the expression " bloody painful" in relation to feeling things, usually about people… I don’t care about ethymology here. Those words remind me of nothing other than Jesus praying on Gethsemany, while his friends abandon him for the land of nod, asking God to not make Him go through the next part of the plan, please-it’s-all-too-painful-if-at-all-possible-I’d-rather-not, and sweats blood under the pressure of it all.

I’ve only today dragged myself over to the hospital to visit Guy. I’ve known all along I’d find it extremely difficult even though it’s only this evening as the ward door locked behind me as I left that I felt the tears run down my face and the pain & frustration, the worry & anger, the pressure of it all & the truth of my apprehension add up so that I admitted it to myself. Pretty much every second of the hour there was tough. The rejection hurt even though I know it’s not personal & not Guy. The sight of him lost & in pain & wanting hugs & love & peace but not finding what it takes to ask… Oh I hugged him & told him I love him, but peace is out of my power & I don’t understand why God still now chooses to wait on him to ask.
Why does Jesus stick by this leaving us choose Him path even when people are out in hell on earth?
What is the point of waiting for someone to cry out for help when the person probably doesn’t even see anymore that they have the option of calling out? They don’t see there’s hope right where they are if they’ll simply ask Him to show Himself.
Guy needs Peace.
Peace stands by him.
Peace wants Guy to ask for help.
Peace waits for Guy to ask for help.
Guy carries on hurting because….
Well, it saddens me because I know only this: whatever pain Jesus feels in this quandry is like Gethsemany. He wills it away please-if-possible-it’s-too-much but adds with the last of His strength: ‘not my will but Yours" because He knows that Father will not impose His will even for doing good. It’s the trouble I see with mental illnesses. God heals physical things, I’d say, at the drop of a hat. Mental things on the other hand come under the will, the mind, the bit of us that God won’t make up for us. So it takes a winding & very different path, possibly more painful & more drawn out.
I hate that because it means that it takes a lot more than my prayers to trigger Guy’s healing. It takes his cry for help. His choice to let God do what no man can: free him & give him peace.
I hate that…. It’s bloody painful.
And I can’t take the pain away. All I can do is watch. Guy barely allows me to put my arms round him & hold him.
I simply wish I weren’t the worst culprit of falling asleep while Jesus prays and (Oh my soul!!) am I glad He is gracious & merciful & all that jazz πŸ™‚

winning either way

HAHA!! I win! Twice!
And next week, well, I win either way!
I feel quite satisfied with the rugby state of affairs. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice to have both home teams win the day. And the All-Blacks having to play in… grey. That was very stubborn of the hosts now wasn’t it πŸ˜› Anyway, I know nothing about rugby beyond what I discovered in Swansea: The audience cheers when someone gets squashed. Enough of that.

Guy’s still in hospital. Another month it seems. The new Camphill place having to wait, I suppose it works out. I’m not sure I enjoy the ensueing limbo though.
And housing will soon be up in the air. I can’t bear thinking about it. I do pray that Jesus holds that one firmly in His control and figures it out! I need the best solution and I don’t have a clue what is best, at all. Moving house is all too much hoo-ha to my liking but hey… only if it saves money.

I miss my beloved πŸ™‚ oh my, I must be smitten πŸ™‚ Don’t mind me…

Time for bed. I’ll be at work 8 hours from now!